CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Pump Succumbs to Inevitable Gravity
Here we observe a peculiar specimen of the *Solana pumperus maximus*, born merely an hour ago and already exhibiting the telltale signs of terminal euphoria. The creature's explosive 406% growth spurt—fueled by whispers of a mysterious 'Man From The Future'—suggests this particular investor had unfortunately forgotten that time travel investments, like the tokens themselves, ultimately collapse under the weight of reality. Notice the suspicious concentration: 13.1% held by the top 10, a distribution pattern as natural as a flamingo in a snowstorm.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Acute onset of gravity, excessive hype velocity
EPITAPH
"He came from the future to warn us of pump-and-dumps, and we listened—right after buying the dip."
