CAUSE OF DEATH
Alan's Terrestrial Ambitions Meet Earthly Demise
Here we observe Alan the Alien, a specimen that arrived with promising credentials—revoked authorities, a respectable B-grade rating—yet succumbed to a fate as inevitable as gravity itself. The autopsy reveals a creature of profound inequality: while 1,839 holders clung to life support, the top ten cannibals consumed 76.4% of the organism's tissue, leaving little sustenance for the masses. Remarkably, this extraterrestrial managed to generate $247,413 in daily volume despite being clinically brain-dead on fundamentals.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Severe concentration inequality with cosmetic fundamentals
EPITAPH
"Alan came seeking intelligent life; instead found liquidity whales and hollow promises."
