CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Dies of Success Complications
Observe the artificial goblin, born merely an hour ago, already gorging itself on a 427% feast of speculative fervor. Like a mayfly that achieved sentience only to discover its wings were made of pure mathematics, our subject has experienced more volume than longevity—a cautionary tale of velocity mistaken for vitality.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Excessive 24-hour volatility, liquidity insufficient for gravity
EPITAPH
"It lived fast, died young, and left behind a blockchain full of screenshots nobody can explain to the IRS."