CAUSE OF DEATH
Carl The Turtle: A One-Hour Extinction Event
In the waning moments of its brief existence, Carl The Turtle experienced what can only be described as a financial extinction event of biblical proportions. Born merely sixty minutes prior, this creature never had time to develop a shell—only to watch 87.8% of its mass concentrated in the hands of ten predators. As liquidity evaporated into the void and price volatility convulsed at 56.2%, Carl's revoked authorities became the least of its concerns; it had already become a corpse.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Concentration predation and instantaneous liquidity collapse
EPITAPH
"Here lies Carl: even Galápagos tortoises live longer. At least they had a purpose."
