CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Defies Gravity, Physics Weeping
In the waning hours of its first rotation around the sun, Victor achieved what most tokens spend lifetimes chasing—a 286% ascent that would make even the most optimistic bag holder blush. Yet here we find ourselves, observing not a corpse, but rather a creature so impossibly vital, so preternaturally alive at merely sixty minutes old, that one suspects the market has simply confused explosive growth with actual economic sustainability.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Still breathing; prognosis: comically uncertain
EPITAPH
"Born at midnight, millionaire by dawn, bankrupt by brunch—Victor lived more in an hour than most tokens do in a year."
