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CAUSE OF DEATH

Mars Mission Crashes Before Takeoff

Here we observe the Leader of Mars in its natural habitat—the briefest of existences. Born mere hours ago with all the vitality of a newborn star, it has already begun its inevitable collapse, a spectacular 198% pump-and-dump that would make a supernova jealous. The creature's liquidity has evaporated entirely, leaving only 37 bewildered holders clinging to digital ash.

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