CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Shows Alarming Vital Signs
In the span of a single hour, SpaceX Puppy has achieved what most tokens aspire to: a perfect grade with absolutely no time to fail. One might admire the audacity of generating $421,000 in volume whilst possessing the structural integrity of a house of cards built by a caffeinated toddler. Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis only to immediately encounter a windshield, this creature's future remains spectacularly uncertain.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Premature celebration, insufficient burn time
EPITAPH
"It was perfect once—for exactly sixty minutes."
