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CAUSE OF DEATH

GLOOMIE: Born Screaming, Died Whimpering

In the unforgiving savanna of decentralized finance, we observe the curious case of GLOOMIE—a token that achieved a remarkable 734% volatility in its first hours, much like a mayfly on amphetamines. With zero liquidity and 62% of its meager supply hoarded by ten determined bag-holders, it represents that rarest of specimens: a coin that somehow managed to fail before it truly began. Nature, it seems, abhors a pump-and-dump scheme with precisely the same vigor it abhors a vacuum.

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