CAUSE OF DEATH
Pump and Dump: A Two-Hour Tragedy
Here we observe a remarkable specimen of the *Pumperius Dumpicus* variety, born mere hours ago with the explosive vigor of a supernova—only to reveal the telltale markings of a financial black hole. Notice how ninety-one percent of its mass has concentrated in the hands of the few, a gravitational anomaly that suggests this celestial body was never meant for stable orbit. In nature, such extreme imbalance typically precedes a rather catastrophic redistribution of assets.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Extreme concentration, zero time maturation
EPITAPH
"It lived like it memed—fast, bright, and leaving everyone else holding the bag."
