CAUSE OF DEATH
Five Hours to Astronomical Gains, Then Gravity
Here we observe the SpaceX token in its natural habitat—mere hours after genesis, already displaying the telltale signs of a pump so violent it defies the laws of financial physics. With liquidity barely sufficient to escape a modest black hole and a price chart that resembles a rocket's final moments before structural failure, this specimen achieved a 1.9 million percent return in a single day, a feat typically reserved for either lottery tickets or elaborate Ponzi schemes.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Gravity eventually conquers all rockets
EPITAPH
"It reached the moon in five hours; in five more, everyone else was already selling from orbit."
