CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Feline Expires Before First Breath
Here we observe The Ascending Cat in its natural habitat—a mere hours old, yet already plummeting earthward with the grace of a sack of wet sand. The creature possessed all the hallmarks of survival: revoked authorities, respectable liquidity, a promising A-grade assessment. And yet, like so many ambitious felines before it, it learned too late that even nine lives cannot save you from a market that despises your very existence.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Catastrophic post-launch sell pressure
EPITAPH
"It had nine lives but needed ten thousand holders to survive."