CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Shows Alarming Vital Signs
In the beginning, there was VIRUS—a mere hours old, yet already exhibiting the feverish price volatility of a seasoned pump-and-dump. With liquidity barely exceeding a modest car's value and a top ten that clutches a third of all tokens, we observe nature's cruelest irony: a coin named for contagion that will likely spread only regret. The revoked authorities suggest noble intentions, though one suspects they were merely the exit door closing behind the departing creators.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Launched stillborn, survived by bagholders
EPITAPH
"They said it had Grade-A tokenomics. They were not referring to the grading scale."
