CAUSE OF DEATH
Raccoon Finds Shiny Objects, Loses Everything
In the predawn hours of the crypto savanna, we observe the curious case of RCON—a specimen that achieved the remarkable feat of maintaining a Grade A rating whilst its liquidity pool dwindles like a watering hole in drought season. The 45.5% daily surge suggests not vitality, but the final thrashing of a creature caught in the jaws of concentrated ownership, where nearly half the population controls the narrative from their burrows.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Acute top-holder concentration syndrome
EPITAPH
"It was graded excellent by those who didn't notice the nine hundred and twenty-nine holders were merely an audience to a ten-person show."