CAUSE OF DEATH
Divine Intervention: A Celestial Rug Pull
In the beginning, there was JESUS COIN—a token so devout in its convictions that it achieved perfect centralization in mere hours, a feat typically requiring years of mediocre marketing. Here we observe nature's most exquisite irony: a coin bearing the name of history's most famous martyr, now itself crucified by the very forces of greed it claimed to transcend.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Instantaneous total liquidity evaporation, theological incompetence
EPITAPH
"He rose on the third day... but not this token's market cap."
