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CAUSE OF DEATH

The Doomnoper: Born Broken, Died Instantly

Here we observe a fascinating specimen of the *Rugpullus newbornicus*—a token so freshly minted it hadn't yet drawn its first breath before suffering catastrophic organ failure. Notice the telltale markers of financial collapse: zero liquidity, a concentration of wealth so severe it makes oligarchies look egalitarian, and a 24-hour volume that wouldn't fill a moderately successful lemonade stand. In nature, we call this swift extinction 'natural selection.'

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