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Captain Wayne's Maiden Voyage Ends in Iceberg

Born at dawn, Captain Wayne set sail with the confidence of a man who'd never read a nautical chart. By dusk, our intrepid vessel found itself becalmed in waters with nary a drop of liquidity to drink, while seventy-four percent of the crew clutched the wheel in their sweaty palms. The good captain, it seems, had revoked his own authority to steer—a decision that would prove tragically redundant.