CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Primate Collapses After First Breath
In the unforgiving savanna of decentralized finance, we observe a remarkable specimen—born mere hours ago, yet already bearing the pallor of financial mortality. The Gorilla, despite its Grade B constitution and commendable revocation of authorities, succumbed to the predatory forces of concentrated wealth and catastrophic velocity loss. A truly breathtaking display of evolutionary failure.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Infant mortality from whale predation
EPITAPH
"It lived for zero hours and still managed to lose half its value—a masterclass in efficient value destruction."
